Opinion: Ain’t Nothing Wrong If You Want to Do Da Butt All Night Long

School Daze
© Columbia Pictures/courtesy Everett Collection

In politically and socially contentious times as these, some critics have called into question the ethics and legality of the long-practiced tradition of doing Da Butt all night long.

Through the decades of study, countless millions of dollars and tireless work by researchers in myriad fields and disciplines, we at ReMIND Magazine wholeheartedly agree that there ain’t nothing wrong if you want to do Da Butt all night long.

The possibility of doing Da Butt all night long was first theorized in 1988, when a Washington, D.C., think tank called Experience Unlimited (E.U.) published a study simply titled “Da Butt.”

That same year, director Spike Lee documented E.U.’s work in the joint School Daze, which did much to bring E.U.’s hypotheses out of intellectual circles and into mainstream acceptance.

“Walked in this place surprised to see a big girl gettin’ busy, just rockin’ to the go-go beat,” E.U. detailed in its original study. “The way she shook her booty sho’ looked good to me. I said, ‘Come here, big girl. Won’t you rock my world? Show that dance to me.’”

Having never experienced Da Butt, E.U.’s initial results sounded promising. One of the early test subjects reported minor discomfort after being aggressively rocked from the backside. “I took that girl out on the floor,” E.U. stated. “She rocked me from the backside. We did the butt ’til it made me sore.”

Since then, E.U. has advocated for safe and responsible doing Da Butt all night long, citing independent studies that have revealed it to be both “prettay prettay” and “sexay sexay” when done by qualified individuals in controlled environments like nightclubs, house parties, sports arenas or city council meetings.

Furthermore, doing Da Butt all night long necessitates a only small initial investment and requires surprisingly little instruction. “When you get that notion, put your backfield in motion,” E.U. instructs, refuting the prevailing theory that one can be penalized for putting one’s backfield in motion.

“Now, it’s a physical thing, but not hard to do,” E.U. states. “You just shake-a shake shake shake, shake-a shake shake, doin’ Da Butt the whole night through.”

There has been overwhelming evidence that Tanya, Shirley, Irene, Theresa, Sonya, Melissa, Ol’ Tammy and Little Keisha got a big ol’ butt.

Glenn Close got a big ol’ butt:

Florida A&M’s Marching 100 got a big ol’ butt:

Alabama State Stingettes and Mighty Marching Hornet Band got a big ol’ butt:

Da Butt has been brought out in major metropolitan areas like New York, D.C., L.A., Philly, Atlanta and Baltimore. Tens of millions of people have been entertained by doing Da Butt or having seen Da Butt done.

The wise decision is to do Da Butt, and to do it all night long.

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May 2019

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